What do you think of this song I wrote?

Lt. Ulquiorra

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Hi! This is just lyrics. I have yet to compose music for it. Thanks!

Your name

I:
The start of another play
The script written by our choices
In the end we have the final say
Worth our struggle throughout the day

Should I give you a gentle kiss
While slowly wrapping you with my arms
Let's plan and go somewhere that does not scream the word "goodbye"

Pre-chorus:
How can I stop the time and stare at your face
Wishing upon the passing shooting star
Silently looking through the classroom window
Without knowing, our eyes met while you were in a train

Chorus:
The word forever cannot signify
The lengths that I will go to be with you
We wish, we dream, we hope every night
Our bond is timeless and cannot be cut

Every second, every hour the hands of the clock
The impending end reminds us through its tick and tock
How I wish to forever be with you
This life, I mean our future lives
In this world, here with you

II:
Let us start anew from scratch
Let me start by saying it is nice to meet you
And as I reach for your left hand
To guide you through another dance

Pre-chorus:
How can I start again if I can't forget
Living the days in a monochrome world
And then you came back and opened the door
Towards the happiness and I cannot strive for more

Chorus:
The word forever cannot signify
The lengths I would go to be with you
We wish, we dream, we hope every night
That today marks the start of a forever

Bridge:
The park where we first met
I went and saw that it was gone
The last place in our memories
The very last place where we kissed

The promise that we made
In 7 years we shall meet again
I went and you were not there
I was about to go but then you called my name

Chorus:
The word forever cannot signify
The lengths that I will go to be with you
We wish, we dream, we hope every night
Our bond is timeless and cannot be cut

Every second, every hour the hands of the clock
The impending end reminds us through its tick and tock
How I wish to forever be with you
This life, I mean our future lives
In this world, here with you

And once again, my heart screams your name
 

Wavelength

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The lyrics are beautiful! I like them a lot - poetic, but also very sincere.

I like the touch of switching up the final line of the chorus each time, as well.

One thing that sticks out is that the meter is very irregular - not only do the lines within a paragraph not follow patterns as far as their total line length (some songs for example do long-short-long-short), but there are no recurring stylistic patterns of long vs. short words, either. You may have ideas about how the spoken song will 'flow' that solve (or even take advantage of) this lack of meter irregularity, but if you find yourself having a hard time writing music to it, then one possible step might be to rewrite the stanzas with the same ideas but more regular patterns of line length and word length.

I picture this as a slow, wistful song, composed of minor chords, perhaps a clean acoustic guitar (or piano) with a lot of sustained notes, and ambient sound effects playing in the background to capture that feeling of emotions streaming through a real life setting.
 

gomes766

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