I don't think we're saying the same thing at all. The extent of deciding whether or not a word is added to the dictionary comes from its general usage by the population before anything else -- neologisms don't make it in, but previously undefined words which are observed in common usage amongst a substantial number of people are eventually recorded and defined based on how they are used. If you think they're selectively deciding which words are considered an "official" part of the English language, I'd greatly question their sanity for approving "hoover" as a verb derived from "Hoover" with the meaning "to vacuum." Likewise with "google."
Really, though, this conversation is much more interesting to me than the rest of this topic. I'll take it to PMs to keep the topic from going completely off-track (even though I'd prefer it if it did).
Can't stray into too many areas here. I will respond to your PM instead. I'll be general instead in my analogy, and make this my last post.
Child is taught A. Child grows up using A. Child is asked to judge not B but %42¬124 - this isn't something the child can understand because its nothing like the education the child's had, and has no hope whatsoever of being usable to them in their daily life.
See its the judgment itself of a small group of people that is the flawed approach. If it truly were as open as you were surmising we'd have all kinds of helpful and unhelpful terms in the language (helpful or unhelpful according to my limited judgment).
10101 - Binary would be in the dictionary if it were truly based on usability, as that is in use all over the world, all the time. You may response with well that isn't a word <---- this is exactly my point. It could be a word tomorrow, with a click of your fingers, but only if the person reading the submission gives it a thumbs up.
I treat natural language the same way I treat programming language: if you do not specify that you are defining your own local definitions of certain terms, I will revert to definitions defined in some dictionary under the assumption that we all agree to use the dictionary as the basis of communication.
If people like to use their own words/phrases and their own definitions for these words/phrases, they need to first realize that most people tend to default to the dictionary if they have seen the word before. And if they haven't seen the word before, they may just default to the dictionary as well.
Regardless whether these words are defined by a group of people or a community or whomever.
Maybe in certain communities, there are certain phrases that they use and all agree on their usage, and as an outsider I may not be familiar with them, but the same rules apply: if they don't clarify that they have their own agreed usages, I will just default to the dictionary.
Unfortunately, some people don't like to clarify that they've got their own definitions and even get all defensive and start verbally attacking you.
Most people being who? Not those in my social spheres. Most people you know and interact with, sure. Perhaps the next person has the same experience, but equally as many people have never even picked up a dictionary in their life outside of school i'd wager. (If they were even lucky enough in many countries to have one)
There is an absurd amount of slang that is not in the dictionary. Not just certain communities in the UK, in almost all major cities and areas there is a wealth of words in circulation, that the average educated person has no hope of understanding unless its explained to them.
-edit
I would add you hit the nail on the head - but the reason for the hostility is, the reliance on a limited central source for structuring what is and what isn't language.
To end I advise everyone have a read of
One Language - Source of All Tongues
By Arnold D Wadler.
Outstanding book that will show you what language used to be and the potential it had,
http://www.amazon.co.uk/One-Language-Source-All-Tongues/dp/1584200464