What's the cheekiest weapon name/description you put in a game?

[iorn]

Doesn't even have to be funny

 

[The Mighty Palm]

Name: Light Sword
Desc: It's imbued with holy magic, and doesn't weigh much at all.

Name: Potion of Misdirection
Desc: It's red, but it's banana flavored. Bamboozled again. Increases Evasion.

I dunno if I'll ever top the description of the Longer Sword from one of those old RPG Maker VX tutorial videos.
"One inch longer, One inch stronger"

 

[UgyBoogie]

Definitely from one of my older projects.
Spear of the lone Soul
30% extra ATK when equipped in the right hand weapon slot.

 

[OnslaughtSupply]

Stick
The main character says after you acquire it, "it sure beats my fists".

 

[Crabs]

Name: Twin Birds
Desc: Makes BANG BANG when you pull the trigger. Good stuff.

I used this as a placeholder description to test how it looks like in my custom menu. But I'm really considering keeping it.

 

[Fornoreason1000]

Name: B-astard Sword
Desc: This 2 handed b-astard hits hard be leaves the user wide open.

Name: DOOM Axe
Desc: The weight of the this Axe will literally sends its foes to Mars, but demands demonic strength.

Name: Uchizaitshichimatsu
Desc: A long name for an even longer sword, as a result its quite fragile.

Name: Aluxes Armour
Desc: Useless Armour, sacrifices all strength to mildly preserve life.
Stats: HP + 2000, everything else -500.
Name: Aluxes Shield
Desc: Your bare hand is better than this thing.
Name: Aluxes Sword
Desc: Sword that is nearly useless but in perfect condition. A blacksmith's nightmare.

 

[Warpmind]

That'd probably be this:

Name: Broad Sword
Description: A sword with a very feminine-looking crossguard.

 

[bgillisp]

Deathblocker: Will prevent Death or your money back!

Tattered Leather: Badly worn armor. Might still block a squirrel bite.

Repelling Hat: This hat repels it all. Friends, first dates, status aliments...

Tom: Lovingly crafted by the gnomes. They felt so attached to it, they had to name it.

 

[Tea's Jams]

Dagger 1: A rusty letter opener really.

 

[Matseb2611]

Don't seem to have too many, though might need to check through all my games. These are from my comedy game, Just Face It. One is an item, the other a skill.

Strong Coffee - Recovers an ally from Licked state to full health! Yes, it's that strong.
Headbutt - Stronger than a sword slash.

 

[Tai_MT]

Name "Walken Stick"
Description "Weapon of choice."

When you use the weapon, the sound it makes when it hits is a Cowbell (required a unique animation). It's also a staff. I don't think a lot will get the joke. But, it's an obscure joke weapon anyway.

 

[kaukusaki]

Name "Walken Stick"
Description "Weapon of choice."

When you use the weapon, the sound it makes when it hits is a Cowbell (required a unique animation). It's also a staff. I don't think a lot will get the joke. But, it's an obscure joke weapon anyway.

XD needs more cowbell

 

[Tea's Jams]

@kaukusaki @Tai_MT I gotta have more cowbell!!!!! XD XD

 

[kaukusaki]

From Rectitude
Name: Kindness
Type: Long Sword
Description: Deals with difficult people in an efficient manner. (Small chance to knock unconscious .)
Stats: +2 Grace +3 Peace
Skill: Recruit

From Makmende
Name: Canned Heat
Type: Explosive
Description: What it says on the tin.
Stats: Aoe 4x random = speed + strength
Skill: Burn

From Demon's Gate
Name: Flailing
Type: Flail
Description: Hits all the right spots.

From House Party
Name: Pimpin
Type: Staff
Description: Stylish tool that keeps the face looking good while smashing others.

From Jive Turkeys Need Not Apply
Name: OPP
Type: Crowbar
Description: Better than a Jimmy Stick. Cuts "break time" by half .

From Demonic Awakening
Name: Ball breaker
Type: Club
Description: An efficient hardwood melon smasher. Also dents helmets with enough force.

Got more but don't want to flood the thread lol

 

[SerpentsShadow]

Wooden Sword
"It actually, used to be a chair leg.
Thanks Dad"

 

[Rainbowwings]

Rubber Sword:
'Looks like this belongs in the bedroom!'

(actually, the real description is much more vulgar)

This was a gag prize I was planning for one of my games...lol

 

[IndigoAir]

In my one game I have a character who exclusively uses ridiculously large swords and they're all named things like "heavy b*stard" and "old b*stard".

Description from the "card" of a Chimera boss;
"This mountain is mine. Those peasants? Also mine."

Description for a weapon called "Cat Claws";
"Has sharp, retractable claws. You could also just use them for punching people, but why would you?"

Woodcutter's Axe;
"An axe that was used against you by an enemy. What an awkward relationship you must have."

I also have a character who exclusively uses sticks as weapons and the description on the first one is "Yulia I was carrying this around... I guess it's a weapon?" and the second one is "Yulia's got a theme and she's stick-ing to it"

There's more, because I think I'm very funny, but that's all I'll write

 

[M.I.A.]

Sword

Roopee Blade:
"What did you expect? It's only worth $1.."

 

[Jubalii]

IDK if it counts (since you said description), but in my modern game one of the options in a fast food restaurant is a VORE Menu Deal (Value Onion Ring Edition)

 

[sirgames]

Wooden bow: a bow found in storage, what? it needs a new string